Chapter 7: Moving from Reactive to Proactive

The Tyranny of the Urgent: Caleb's Story

"I don't ever think about me."

These six words, spoken softly in a moment of rare reflection, captured the essence of Caleb's leadership crisis. Fifteen years into his career and a decade into leadership, Caleb found himself trapped in what can only be described as the tyranny of the urgent—perpetually bracing for the next challenge, the next call, the next crisis demanding his immediate attention. In this moment of reflection, Caleb's journey toward proactive self-leadership began, highlighting the power of self-awareness and self-reflection in our leadership journey.

Caleb's journey began as a dishwasher at a local restaurant. A high school dropout with natural talent and a formidable work ethic, he climbed through the ranks, eventually earning the trust of the restaurant owner, who handed him the keys to manage a bar at just 21 years old. He thrived in this environment for ten years, building relationships and developing his leadership skills through hands-on experience rather than formal education.

When his first son was born, Caleb's priorities shifted. The lack of health insurance and benefits pushed him to seek more stable employment. He joined a family-owned fire prevention systems business with about 250 employees, again working his way up through dedication and performance. After being passed over once for a leadership position—the role going to someone with formal credentials—Caleb eventually secured a management position three years ago.

On paper, Caleb's career trajectory is a success story. Yet, sitting in a leadership development session, his exhaustion was palpable. The constant pressure to perform, meet expectations, and be available at all hours had gradually eroded his energy and joy. His phone never shut off. His mind never fully rested. Even in moments of physical stillness—sitting on the couch after everyone had gone to bed—his presence was merely an absence, a numbness born of complete depletion.

"I'm just numb," he confessed. "I'm just sitting there staring at the TV or my phone. And I'm blank."

Like many leaders caught in reactivity, Caleb was in a chronic fatigue crisis that threatened his career and his joy and effectiveness as a leader. What began as dedication had transformed into a debilitating reaction pattern without reflection, a response without renewal.

Caleb is not alone, I know this feeling all too well. In my early years as an entrepreneur, running from crisis to crisis. My success hung precariously variables I couldn't control. Looking back, I recognize now that I was living entirely in reaction mode—responding to emergencies rather than creating systems that would prevent them. Does this pattern sound familiar in your leadership journey? On the continuum of leadership behavior, most leaders spend most of their time and energy on the left side—the reactive side—of self-management, compared to the right side of proactivity in self-leadership. They become expert firefighters, managing crises with increasing skill but never finding the time to install prevention systems found proactive self-leadership.

The Reactive-Proactive Continuum

When examining leadership behaviors, we can place them on a continuum from reactive to proactive. At the far left of this spectrum is pure reactivity: responding to emergencies, addressing immediate needs, and focusing entirely on the present moment's demands. At the far right is pure proactivity: strategic thinking, preventative planning, and focus on long-term vision and values.

Most leaders, like Caleb, are heavily weighted toward the reactive end of this spectrum. There are several reasons for this imbalance:

1. Urgency Addiction: The adrenaline rush of solving immediate problems can become addictive. The instant gratification of checking off urgent tasks creates a neurochemical reward that can be difficult to resist.

2. Cultural Expectations: Many organizational cultures reward heroic crisis management more visibly than quiet prevention. The leader who works all night to fix a broken system receives praise, while the leader who ensures systems don't break in the first place may go unnoticed.

3. Confidence Through Competence: Leaders often build confidence by repeatedly demonstrating competence in familiar challenges. The reactive domain becomes comfortable—a place where they know they can succeed—while proactive leadership may feel uncertain and risky.

4. The Illusion of Indispensability: Many leaders, particularly those like Caleb, who have risen through the ranks through sheer determination, develop an unconscious belief that their constant availability is essential to organizational success.

Caleb exemplified each of these reactive tendencies. His phone remained perpetually on, his mind continuously problem-solving scenarios that hadn't yet emerged. His confidence came from his ability to handle crises. Yet, this very competence had trapped him in a cycle of reactivity, slowly diminishing his effectiveness and draining his energy.

The Cost of Chronic Reactivity

Chronic reactivity extracts significant costs from leaders and their organizations. For Caleb, these costs manifested in several ways:

1. Physical and Mental Exhaustion: Caleb's constant alertness left him perpetually tired. Even during supposed downtime, his mind remained "on," anticipating potential problems and planning responses.

2. Diminished Joy: Caleb could barely recall the last time he had engaged in an activity purely for enjoyment. His truck restoration project sat neglected in the garage—a symbol of the personal interests he had sacrificed to the demands of constant availability.

3. Relational Strain: While Caleb loved his family, his perpetual mental absence created distance even when physically present. His preoccupation affected the quality of his relationships.

4. Reduced Strategic Thinking: Perhaps most significant for his leadership effectiveness, Caleb's reactive orientation limited his capacity for the kind of reflective, strategic thinking that creates breakthrough opportunities and prevents emerging problems.

5. Erosion of Confidence: Paradoxically, while Caleb's reactivity stemmed partly from a desire to perform well and meet expectations, the resulting exhaustion undermined his confidence. In his words: "I stress about things that haven't been created yet... even though it hasn't happened, it probably won't happen."

These costs compound over time, creating a downward spiral where reactivity leads to exhaustion, exhaustion leads to reduced effectiveness, and reduced effectiveness triggers increased reactivity as the leader attempts to compensate.

Have you noticed similar patterns in your own leadership? When did you feel truly present and energized last time rather than simply responding to the next demand? For many leaders I coach, this downward spiral of reactivity becomes so normalized that they no longer question whether there might be another way to lead and live.

The Discovery Process: Finding the Path to Self-Leadership

Caleb's journey toward self-leadership began with a simple recognition—the acknowledgment that something needed to change. During a leadership development session focusing on personal values and priorities, he confronted the reality that he had neglected his needs to the point of numbness. This realization sparked a journey of transformation, showing that change is possible and within reach for all of us.

The path from this recognition to actual transformation involved several key discoveries:

Discovery 1: The Power of Permission

His breakthrough came when he gave himself permission to have needs. Years of conditioning—from his father's stoic "lace up, get over it" mentality to the workplace expectation of constant availability—had taught Caleb to ignore his own requirements for rest, reflection, and renewal.

"I'd feel the pressure off," he admitted when asked how it would feel to give himself permission to disconnect periodically. This simple acknowledgment—that it was legitimate for him to have needs and boundaries—opened the door to further growth.

Discovery 2: Small Changes Yield Big Results

When asked what one change would make a meaningful difference, Caleb's answer was revealing: turning off his phone from 8 p.m. to 5 a.m., three days a week. This modest boundary—creating roughly 27 hours of guaranteed disconnection each week—represented a profound shift in his relationship with work and responsibility.

The power of this small change lay not just in the hours of mental rest it would provide, but in the psychological shift, it represented. By establishing this boundary, Caleb would assert that his value as a leader came not from constant availability but from the quality of his presence and decisions when engaged.

Discovery 3: The Delegation of Trust

To implement even this modest boundary, Caleb needed to delegate tasks and trust. His concern wasn't primarily about the frequency of after-hours calls but about the possibility of missed calls—the chance that something might go wrong in his absence.

This revelation pointed to a deeper issue: Caleb's difficulty trusting others to handle situations in his absence. True self-leadership, he realized, would require developing systems and people who could function effectively without his constant oversight—a shift that would ultimately benefit both him and the organization.

Discovery 4: The Connection Between Self-Care and Leadership Impact

Perhaps Caleb's most profound discovery was understanding that self-care isn't selfish but strategic. His wife's weekly volleyball game offered a powerful example: "The household seems happier when she does it," he observed, recognizing that her investment in personal renewal yielded benefits for the entire family.

This insight translated directly to his leadership context. By investing in his own renewal, Caleb could bring more energy, creativity, and presence to his interactions with his team. Far from being selfish, properly directed self-care was his responsibility to those who depended on his leadership.

I learned this lesson the hard way in my entrepreneurial journey. For years, I operated under the misguided belief that working longer hours and taking on more responsibility demonstrated my commitment to success. I rarely took vacations, worked through weekends, and prided myself on being available to clients at all hours. Eventually, this approach led to a severe case of burnout that affected my health and the quality of my business decisions. What aspects of self-care have you been neglecting under the guise of dedication to your work? What signals might your body and mind be sending that deserve your attention?

Discovery 5: Confidence Through Clarity

A pattern emerged as Caleb reflected on moments of high confidence in his leadership journey. His confidence had risen not primarily through mastering crises but through gaining clarity about expectations, his capabilities, and the path forward.

This insight revealed the connection between proactive leadership and confidence. By creating space for reflection and clarity, Caleb could lead from a place of considered intention rather than reactive impulse, building genuine confidence through clarity rather than mere crisis competence.

The Practice of Proactive Self-Leadership

Moving from reactive self-management to proactive self-leadership requires deliberate practice. For Caleb, this practice began with three specific commitments:

1. Scheduled Disconnection: Turning off his phone during specific periods each week, with a clear delegation of responsibility during those times.

2. Dedicated Reflection Time: Blocking 30 minutes three times weekly during work hours for strategic thinking and planning rather than reactive problem-solving.

3. Renewal Activity: Committing four hours weekly to his truck restoration project—an activity that brought him genuine joy and engaged his mind in a different mode.

These three practices represented the initial steps on a longer journey toward proactive self-leadership. The key to their effectiveness lay not in their scope but in their intentionality—they were chosen to address Caleb's particular needs and circumstances.

During my transition from reactive to proactive leadership, I discovered the power of "whitespace"—protected time on my calendar with no agenda beyond thinking, reflecting, and learning. This practice directly contradicted my former entrepreneurial identity of constant action and visible productivity. Yet I found that these periods of apparent inactivity yielded my most creative ideas and strategic insights. What might constitute a meaningful "whitespace" in your leadership rhythm? What small practice might create disproportionate benefits for your leadership effectiveness?

From Individual Practice to Leadership Culture

As Caleb implemented these initial practices, he noticed subtle shifts in his energy and effectiveness and his team's behavior. His increased clarity and presence enhanced the quality of his interactions. His willingness to disconnect periodically encouraged similar boundary-setting among team members. His delegation of trust during off-hours created growth opportunities for emerging leaders.

Without explicitly intending it, Caleb had begun to shift his team's culture from reactive firefighting to more proactive planning and development. This illustrates an important principle of reflective leadership: personal transformation creates ripples of organizational transformation.

Actual organizational change rarely begins with sweeping initiatives or restructuring. More often, it starts with individual leaders who model a different way of being and working and demonstrate through their own practice the benefits of moving from a reactive to a proactive orientation.

One of the most transformative moments in my journey came when my coach challenged me with a simple yet profound exercise: for every "Yes" I uttered, I had to articulate ten "Nos." This discipline forced me to confront my tendencies as a "BlueSky thinker" who is always chasing the next opportunity. By learning to say "No" to good things to make room for great things, I gradually shifted from reactive to proactive leadership. How might your leadership change if you become more intentional about what you say "No" to?

The Continuum of Leadership Development

Caleb's story illustrates a crucial understanding of leadership development: it functions as a continuum rather than a binary state. The goal is not to eliminate reactivity—indeed, skilled reaction to genuine emergencies remains an essential leadership capacity. Instead, the aim is to shift the balance progressively toward proactivity.

A pivotal moment in my leadership journey came when I pursued a master's degree in leadership. When I approached Dr. Steve Young, the dean of the school, I expected a polished recruitment speech. Instead, he surprised me with a profound observation: "Russell, you're already a leader." If I had already led successfully, why invest in formal education? Dr. Young provided clarity that would transform my perspective: "Russell, if you want to grow in cognitive competence in how you're gifted so you can be more effective in your leadership, then we can help you."

This insight revealed that leadership development isn't just about performing leadership acts but also about developing mental models that allow us to interpret complex situations and make better decisions. It's about moving from reactive leadership—constantly putting out fires—to proactive leadership that prevents fires from starting in the first place.

For most leaders, this shift happens gradually, with momentary regressions during periods of high pressure or uncertainty. The key is maintaining awareness of the reactive-proactive continuum and consistently recommitting to practices that foster proactive orientation. Where do you find yourself on this continuum today? What reactivity patterns have become so normal that you no longer recognize them as choices rather than necessities?

Leadership development in this context becomes less about acquiring new skills and more about cultivating a new relationship with time, energy, and attention. It involves learning to distinguish between the genuinely urgent and the merely immediate, between a reaction that addresses true emergencies and a reaction that perpetuates a cycle of exhaustion.

The journey from reactive self-management to proactive self-leadership is not accomplished in a single bound. It unfolds through countless small choices, each reinforcing a different relationship with leadership responsibility. Like Caleb, you may find that the path begins not with grand transformation but with simple permission—permission to lead from your competence and your wholeness.

For me, this journey continues to unfold. Even after 25 years in leadership, I still catch myself slipping into reactive patterns during periods of high stress or uncertainty. The difference now is that I recognize these patterns more quickly and have developed practices that help me return to proactive self-leadership. Through Caleb's story and the practices shared in this chapter, you, too, will find your path from the tyranny of the urgent to the freedom of intentional, proactive leadership.

Reflective Questions

As you consider your leadership journey along the reactive-proactive continuum, take time to reflect on these questions:

1. Where do you find yourself on the reactive-proactive continuum of leadership? What indicators (behaviors, feelings, outcomes) tell you where you currently stand?

2. What "small change" might yield disproportionate results in shifting your leadership toward greater proactivity? What barriers—internal or external—prevent you from implementing this change?

3. How might your current reactivity pattern influence your team's culture and behaviors? What would change for them if you shifted toward more proactive self-leadership?

Chapter 6: The Winding Road: My Journey Through Miracles, Models, and Mastery

I find immense joy in vast, expansive vistas—the sweeping views from Hawaii's beaches, the Irish coastline of Giant's Causeway, Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, the Italian dolomites, or the breathtaking scenery of Colorado's mountainside, which I call home. The promise of new possibilities and inspiration from fresh opportunities drive me forward. Every path I encounter unveils new adventures waiting to be explored. Like a child, I'm endlessly curious about what lies beyond the next corner, eager to discover the boundless wonders that await. As I write this book, I'm preparing to summit my final peaks this summer in the Colorado Rockies to finish all 58 14ers. It's been a journey of 20 years traversing the same mountain again and again, like Peak Pike, Mt Elbert, or Quandary Peak. For every ascent of elevation gain, there's the same descent reflecting a pattern of mountain climbing as well in life winding through peaks and valleys.

As a fellow explorer, entrepreneur, or leader, you can relate. Every effective leader has a vision, whether inspired by a dream, goal, or desire. Vision inspires and gives others something to aspire towards. Vision, seeing beyond the day-to-day demand, is essential for leading well. Setting direction gets everyone moving in the right direction. Yet, so often, in our pursuit of a vision, our scope exceeds our capacity, leaving us and others vulnerable. Stretch goals leave us perpetually stretched, rarely satisfied, and at the edge of exhaustion and burnout. That was my story as an emerging leader and entrepreneur, and it came with a cost. In hindsight, I needed more than a vision for my business; I needed a vision for growth and development to have the capacity to rise to the level of my vision. Today, I see leaders on the edge of their leadership. It's about leading ourselves before we can lead others.

Miracles: Embracing the Unpredictable

Straddling between faith and wisdom, I reflect on my 25-year entrepreneurial journey and see that there has yet to be a straight path. There have been so many twists and turns, ups and downs, and lessons learned the hard way. But I wouldn't have it any other way because those struggles and failures shaped me into the leader and person I am today.

In those early years, my business was truly a miracle-based operation. As that tough-loving CPA mentor of mine so bluntly put it - "Russell, you're in the miracle business." Sobered by his comment and counsel, in time, I realized he was absolutely right. As a smaller business owner, my success hung in the balance of my supply chain. I depended entirely on finding that perfect product at the ideal price and timing for each project. Talk about operating under extreme uncertainty and ambiguity!

Things often fell apart when the inventory didn't materialize, and I lost my shirt on deals because of the logistical costs of shipping and storage. I can't even count how many miracles I had to manifest through sheer grit and faith to keep that business afloat. But you know what? Those trying times taught me resilience, gratitude, and humility. They forced me to embrace the unpredictable nature of entrepreneurship. And critically, they opened my eyes to the beauty of uncertainty - those unexpected open doors that can completely change your trajectory when you least expect it.

Growing in a Cognitive Competency

A pivotal moment in my leadership journey came when I pursued a master's degree in leadership. When I approached Dr. Steve Young, the school dean, I expected a well-polished recruitment speech about the program's benefits. Instead, he surprised me with a profound observation: "Russell, you're already a leader."

His words stopped me in my tracks. If I was already a leader—successfully running a business, managing employees, serving customers, and supporting non-profit projects—why invest time and resources in formal education? What could academia offer that experience hadn't already taught me?

I was caught in a developmental gap, struggling with my insecurities as a poor student from high school and college, perhaps hoping to redeem my own "failings" in school. Yet, I was starving for development and growth, leading well beyond my capacity. Still, I was doing OK, so why did I need to go to school with my already packed schedule?

Dr. Young sensed my cognitive dissonance and offered clarity that would change my perspective forever: "Russell, if you want to grow in a cognitive competence in how you're gifted so you can be more effective in your leadership, then we can help you."

This simple framing transformed my understanding of leadership development. I realized that leadership isn't just about doing leadership acts but developing a cognitive framework—a mental model that allows us to interpret complex situations, make better decisions, and ultimately lead with greater wisdom and effectiveness. Growing cognitive competency means developing the mental frameworks that will enable us to see patterns, anticipate challenges, and design solutions that others might miss. It's about moving from reactive leadership—constantly putting out fires—to proactive leadership that prevents fires from starting in the first place. This cognitive development became a pathway toward self-leadership. Before I could effectively lead others, I needed to master leading myself through developing disciplined thought patterns, challenging my assumptions, and expanding my understanding of leadership principles.

Models: Creating Roadmaps for Growth

Eventually, I realized that in running a miracle-based business, more wisdom and prudence were needed to hedge against risks beyond my control. As another wise mentor advised, I needed to develop a sustainable model I could count on. That transition required even more faith, as I had to tear down my old way of operating and rebuild it into something scalable and strategic. However, the lessons were invaluable - the importance of discipline, focusing on priorities, refining my value proposition, diligent planning, and investing relational equity with my clients. Shifting to a coaching/consulting model providing expertise rather than products was one of my career's most significant paradigm shifts.

Role Models and Working Models

Throughout my journey, I've come to appreciate the profound impact of models—both human role models and conceptual working models—on charting a course for personal and professional development.

Role models are examples of the principles and practices we aspire to embody. These mentors, coaches, and exemplars demonstrate excellence in action. Dr. Steve Young became such a model for me, showing unwavering commitment to developing leaders even in his most challenging moments. Through his example, I learned that authentic leadership transcends personal circumstances and focuses on empowering others.

Equally important are the working models—conceptual frameworks and systems—that provide structure to our growth journey. These models help us make sense of complex realities and offer pathways for development that might otherwise remain hidden. Whether the frameworks I learned during my master's studies or the coaching methodologies I've adopted in my practice, these models provide a language and structure for continuous improvement.

Together, role models and working models create a developmental roadmap that charts our growth from novice to expert, from reactive to proactive, and from chaos to order. They help us see where we are and where we can go next. They provide both inspiration (through the example of others) and instruction (through proven frameworks for development).

As leaders, we must actively seek out both types of models. We need mentors who embody the qualities we aspire to develop and frameworks that help us understand and navigate the complexities of leadership. The combination of these models creates a powerful catalyst for transformation and growth.

A Model for Self-Leadership - Defining Your Purpose to Inform Your Priorities

More than a decade ago, I embarked on a journey into professional coaching, fueled by a BlueSky mindset that saw endless possibilities in every opportunity. After transitioning my small business and starting my new venture, I dove headfirst into the world of coaching, eager to make a difference and explore its vast potential.

However, amidst the excitement of new beginnings, I soon became overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of choices. From workshops and seminars to consulting gigs and personal projects, the allure of new opportunities beckoned at every turn, threatening to divert my focus and dilute my efforts.

I learned that clarity of purpose serves as the ultimate filter for decision-making. When your purpose is clearly defined, priorities naturally fall into place. Like Dave, who I mentioned in our coaching session, many of us struggle with feeling overwhelmed, reactive, and constantly on the brink of burnout. But when we reconnect with our core purpose, we gain the clarity to distinguish between what's merely urgent and truly important.

Purpose-driven leadership begins with five essential principles:

1. Living Daily with Purpose: Aligning your actions with your overarching goals and values ensures that your decisions are driven by your long-term vision rather than short-term pressures.

2. Declaring Your Values: Clarity of values is a compass to navigate life's complexities with integrity and authenticity.

3. Being Proactive About Priorities: Proactively identifying and prioritizing your most important tasks and commitments prevents being swept away by the moment's demands.

4. Building Life-Long Relationships: Investing in meaningful relationships that nourish personal and professional growth creates a network of trust and collaboration that sustains you through challenges and triumphs.

5. Not Settling for Secondary Things: True fulfillment comes from pursuing excellence rather than settling for mediocrity.

Time to Focus - The Power of "No"

Working as a coach who needed a coach. My coach got right to the root issue that perpetually had me running a mile wide and an inch thick. After a defining conversation, my coach presented me with a simple yet profound challenge: for every "Yes" I uttered, I must also articulate ten "Nos." At first, the task seemed daunting. How about I turn down nine promising opportunities for the sake of one? But as I delved deeper into the practice, I began to understand its inherent value.

The discipline of crafting a list of "Nos" forced me to confront my tendencies as a BlueSky thinker. It required me to pause, reflect, and evaluate each opportunity against my goals and values. Was this endeavor genuinely aligned with my vision? Did it have the potential to move me closer to my objectives? Or was it merely a distraction, enticing me with the allure of novelty?

As I embraced the power of "No," I discovered its transformative effect on my life and work. No longer bound by the tyranny of choice, I found clarity and focus amidst the chaos of endless possibilities. By prioritizing my best opportunities and learning to let go of the rest, I focused my energy on endeavors that genuinely mattered, yielding greater fulfillment and impact.

Yet, mastering the art of saying "No" is ongoing. Even after a decade of practice, I continue to grapple with the temptation to chase after every shiny new opportunity. But with each passing day, I grow more adept at discerning between what is merely exemplary and what is truly great. I have realized that putting first things first requires discipline and the willingness to let go of even good things in pursuit of what is better and best.

Mastery: The Pursuit of Excellence

Even after establishing a solid model, I realized there was another summit to climb - the pursuit of true mastery. As my dear friend acknowledged, I had entered a "season of mastery" in my work. 25+ years in my career and turning the corner 50, his words stuck with me as I grappled with taking my coaching and leadership development craft to the highest level of artistry and excellence. Another mentor's quoting proverbs crystalized it for me: "The gift will make the way for the giver and usher them into the presence of the great." I had to ceaselessly work on honing my unique gift to achieve mastery.

The Journey to 10,000 Hours and Beyond

My journey toward mastery intensified post-Covid during my PhD studies, focusing on Industrial Organizational Psychology from 2021-2024. As a parallel course pursuing the International Coaching Federation's Master Certified Coach (MCC) credential. The MCC designation represents the pinnacle of coaching expertise, requiring at least 2,500 documented coaching hours with clients. This parallels the journey of any master craftsperson deeply invested in their tradecraft.

Malcolm Gladwell popularized the concept that it takes roughly 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to achieve mastery in any field in his influential book "The Tipping Point." Twenty-five years later, in "The Revenge of the Tipping Point," Gladwell refines this concept, acknowledging that while quantity matters, the quality and intentionality of practice are equally important.

Pursuing mastery in coaching and leadership development has taught me that actual expertise goes beyond mere accumulation of hours. It requires deliberate practice, continuous feedback, and the humility to recognize that mastery is not a destination but an ongoing journey.

As Daniel Pink articulates in his book "Drive," mastery is one of three essential elements of intrinsic motivation, alongside purpose and autonomy. Pursuing mastery—the desire to improve at something that matters—drives us to push beyond competence toward excellence. It's not about external rewards but the deep satisfaction that comes from continuous improvement and the joy of the craft.

That journey towards world-class mastery has been humbling and challenging. There's a never-ending loop of continuous learning required. Anytime I think I've reached the mountain peak, I realize there's an even higher summit. True masters, as I've learned, never lose the humility to keep striving and growing. But it's also been the most rewarding path, finally finding that deep sense of joy and fulfillment that comes from operating at the highest craftsman level of your work.

The Legacy of a Master Developer

I cannot reflect on mastery without honoring Dr. Steve Young's profound impact on my development as a leader. While I was completing my seminary education, Steve was fighting a battle with cancer. Despite his illness and the physical toll of treatment, he chose to proctor my final coursework from his hospital bed.

This extraordinary dedication exemplified Steve's commitment to developing leaders, which persisted until the very end of his life. Even facing his mortality, he remained focused on helping others grow. He modeled mastery: not a self-centered pursuit of excellence but a generous investment in others' potential.

Steve believed in me and my leadership model when I was still finding my way. He gave me a vision for my development that extended far beyond what I could see for myself. His legacy lives on in the leaders he developed, including me, and in the leaders, we, in turn, develop.

The Continuous Cycle

So here I am today, still bouncing between those seasons of miracles, models, and mastery at different points. It's an agile, meandering journey without any final destination. I've had to embrace the uncertainties and failures, analyze where I went off-track, realign myself through strategic shifts, and always keep climbing towards the next level of excellence.

I share these vulnerable reflections to illustrate that there is no linear path to success. We're constantly moving between those seasons, learning and growing. Leadership development is not a straight line but a spiral that revisits familiar territories at deeper levels of understanding and competence.

The journey from reactive to proactive leadership, chaos to order, and competence to mastery requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to embrace the miracles and models that shape our growth. It demands that we say "no" to distractions so we can say "yes" to what matters most. It calls us to define our purpose clearly so our priorities naturally align. And it invites us to pursue mastery not for our glory, but for the impact, we can have on others.

As you reflect on your leadership journey, consider:

1. Where in your leadership journey are you experiencing miracles, developing models, or pursuing mastery? How might embracing each of these phases enhance your effectiveness as a leader?

2. What cognitive competencies must you develop to move from reactive to proactive leadership? Who might serve as a role model and a guide in this process?

3. What is the vision for your development as a leader? What would it look like for you to achieve mastery in your unique gifts and calling?

The winding road of leadership development invites us all to embrace the journey with courage, humility, and a commitment to continuous growth. May your path be filled with miracles that inspire faith, models that provide direction, and a pursuit of mastery that leaves a lasting legacy.

Chapter 9 Impostors - Fake It Till You Make It

Self-Leadership

The crisp mountain air of Colorado filled the conference room as forty leaders gathered for training on feedback and making the most of 360-degree assessments. Standing before them, I paused in my presentation and smiled.

"Can I see a show of hands? How many perfectionists are in the room today?"

As expected, about a third of the participants raised their hands, some with knowing smiles, others with a hint of reluctance.

"Let us talk about some positive aspects of perfectionism," I continued. "High standards, excellence, quality work. It is a noble aim, isn't it?"

Heads nodded in agreement.

"Now, what about the downsides?" I asked.

The responses came quickly: "Constant pressure." "Never feeling good enough." "Becoming a micromanager." "Workaholic tendencies." "Never being able to celebrate even small wins fully."

These conversations inevitably spur awareness of self-awareness's benefits that drive self-leadership practice. However, for all our strengths, a dark side often can sabotage our success based on our limited beliefs.

In coaching conversations, especially with emerging leaders or executives aspiring to new roles beyond their current scope, feelings of insecurity, doubt, and lack of confidence frequently surface. Over the years of coaching women working primarily in male-dominated industries, I have heard countless stories that reveal a common thread. These narratives often coincide with a moment when I hear the phrase: "I struggle with impostor syndrome." It is important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle.

Understanding Impostor Syndrome

In 1978, psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified what they called the "impostor phenomenon." Their research focused on high-achieving women who, despite external evidence of their competence, maintained an internal belief that they were not as capable as others perceived them to be. These women attributed their success to temporary factors like luck, timing, or having fooled others into thinking they were more intelligent than they believed.

The impostor phenomenon, now commonly known as impostor syndrome, is characterized by:

• Persistent self-doubt despite evidence of success

• Attributing achievements to external factors rather than ability

• Fear of being "found out" or exposed as a fraud

• Difficulty internalizing accomplishments

• Setting excessively high standards and experiencing disappointment when falling short

• Overworking to prevent the discovery of perceived inadequacies

Research has since expanded beyond Clance and Imes' initial focus on women, finding that impostor syndrome affects people across genders, cultures, and professions. However, it remains particularly prevalent among women in leadership positions, especially in fields where they are underrepresented.

Mary's Story: Impostor Syndrome in the Trenches

During a leadership development workshop, I met Mary, a senior project manager in construction with over two decades of experience. When our conversation turned to confidence barriers, I asked her, "Mary, what does impostor syndrome mean to you?"

Her response revealed a profound understanding shaped by years of personal struggle:

"Impostor syndrome is when my self-worth feels tied to others' approval. It is when I question if I belong at the table despite my experience. It shows me as someone I think others want me to be rather than who I am."

Professional and personal challenges did not just shape Mary's journey in leadership. For 24 years, she has maintained sobriety after battling alcoholism. This recovery journey has given her unique insights into authentic self-leadership.

"My self-esteem, fear, pride, ego, emotional security, financial security – all wrapped up in how others perceived me," Mary explained. "I was so focused on external validation that I lost sight of who I was meant to be."

The Practice of Self-Inventory

What makes Mary's approach to impostor syndrome particularly powerful is the disciplined practice she developed over her 12 years of working with her "big book" – a structured method of self-inventory that serves as the foundation of her self-leadership. This practice empowers her to take control of her impostor syndrome, and it can do the same for you.

"Nine times out of ten, I must remind myself that my self-worth comes from God. It does not come from anybody else," Mary shared. "And I have to remind myself of that daily."

Her inventory process involves asking herself a series of penetrating questions:

1. Where was I selfish? "Selfish is not a bad connotation. It is what I needed or wanted in that situation."

2. Where was I dishonest? "What is the lie I tell myself about that situation?"

3. Where does my self-reliance fail? "What behaviors emerge when I feel threatened? Do I pull back? Do I become a wallflower? Am I more aggressive?"

4. What are my fears? "The fear is rejection. The fear is not being good enough. The fear is getting laid off. The fear is someone else getting a promotion."

5. What is the origin of these fears? "When was the first time I had this fear?"

This disciplined self-examination has become Mary's cornerstone practice for managing impostor syndrome. It allows her to recognize when she is slipping into inauthentic behavior patterns and course-correct before they derail her leadership effectiveness.

The Health Crisis That Changed Everything

Three years before our conversation, Mary faced a severe health crisis that brought her impostor syndrome into sharp relief. What began as mysterious symptoms was initially misdiagnosed as Lyme disease. Eventually, through holistic treatment, doctors identified 14 different strains of infection.

"I woke up, and I could not move my arms. It felt like my bones were being split in two," Mary recalled. She could not work out for the first time since she was 12. She was placed on disability.

This physical vulnerability exposed a painful truth about her work environment. Her project executive was unsupportive during her absence. Despite her condition, she found herself trying to complete applications for payment because "he would not do them." After 12 weeks, against medical advice, she returned to work.

"I had no support from my company," she said. "I approached executives but found no support. Even my general superintendent, who I had been with for 12 years, was not there for me."

The experience revealed how her impostor syndrome had led her to accept an unhealthy work culture where her value was measured solely by productivity rather than humanity.

Supportive vs. Skeptical Leaders: Impact on Impostor Syndrome

Mary's story highlights a critical insight for those struggling with impostor syndrome: the leadership context matters tremendously. Her experiences working under different types of leaders revealed two distinct environments with dramatically different impacts on her self-perception. This underscores the importance of supportive leadership in creating a healthy work environment that fosters confidence and self-worth.

Under Skeptical Leadership:

• The constant pressure to prove herself worthy

• Unclear standards of success ("You are always trying to get to this bar, but you do not even know what that bar is")

• Exhausting need to project a false, hyper-competent self

• Reinforcement of impostor feelings

• Deteriorating physical and mental health

Under Supportive Leadership:

• Freedom to be authentic

• Clear expectations and feedback

• Recognition of unique contributions

• Diminished impostor feelings

• Improved overall wellbeing

As Mary put it, "The difference between having a supportive advocate, manager, or leader and somebody not supportive is night and day. With a skeptical leader, you have to be somebody, and maybe you should not try to ensure you win their approval or performance review."

One transformative project executive told her something she never forgot: "Behind every person you meet, there is an aspect of fear. Every human being has fear, which makes them act in a certain way. Do not take it personally because your self-worth does not come from that."

This perspective helped Mary recognize that sometimes what she perceived as a judgment of her capabilities was others' fear manifesting as control or criticism.

Finding Purpose Beyond Approval

The turning point in Mary's battle with impostor syndrome came when she stopped striving to please everyone and instead reconnected with her deeper purpose.

"I am not," she declared, "I will never be the woman I was. I am the woman that God intends me to be."

This shift in identity allowed her to redefine success on her terms. Rather than seeing herself primarily as a builder of structures, she embraced her role as a builder of people.

I want to become a developer of people and talent. It drives me. It is not building buildings; it is being with my team, building my team, helping people see this, and so forth."

This clarity of purpose gave Mary something impostor syndrome had long denied her: authentic confidence rooted in values rather than validation.

From "Pitbull" to Purpose-Driven Leader

On her job site, Mary earned the nickname "Pitbull" – a moniker that reflected her tenacity and fierce protection of her team. While she occasionally embraced this identity ("Sometimes I need to be a Pitbull to get stuff done"), she recognized it as a partial truth.

"Do not mess with my team," she said emphatically. "I'm very protective."

Nevertheless, this protective instinct has evolved from a defensive posture into an empowering one. Rather than simply shielding her team from external threats, she now focuses on developing their capabilities and confidence, helping them avoid the same impostor syndrome traps she encountered.

Building Authentic Confidence: Mary's Path Forward

Mary's journey offers valuable lessons for anyone struggling with impostor syndrome. Her path to authentic confidence included several key practices:

1. Regular self-inventory. Mary's disciplined practice of examining her motives, fears, and behaviors provides a structure for self-awareness that interrupts impostor thinking.

2. Connecting to a deeper purpose. Mary found stability amid workplace uncertainty by grounding her identity in something beyond professional achievement.

3. Recognizing unhealthy environments. Mary learned to distinguish between her impostor thoughts and genuinely toxic work cultures that reinforced them.

4. Seeking supportive mentorship. The contrast between different leadership styles helped Mary identify and eventually seek out environments where authentic growth was possible.

5. Practicing radical transparency. "I am not anything if I am not transparent," Mary insisted, highlighting how honesty about struggles strengthens rather than diminishes leadership credibility.

6. Serving others. Mary's focus shifted from proving herself to developing others, creating a virtuous cycle where helping team members overcome their impostor feelings reinforced her authentic leadership.

7. Embracing vulnerability as strength. Through her health crisis, Mary discovered that acknowledging limitations paradoxically expanded her capacity for genuine connection and influence.

Recent Research: Bridging the 45-Year Gap

In the decades since Clance and Imes' groundbreaking work, research on impostor syndrome has expanded significantly. Recent studies offer deeper insights into the cognitive mechanisms at play and effective interventions.

Persistent self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy characterize the impostor phenomenon despite external success (Pákozdy et al., 2023). Individuals experiencing the impostor phenomenon are prone to cognitive distortions, such as perfectionism, overgeneralization, and catastrophic thinking. Interestingly, the individual often reframes these maladaptive thought patterns to serve as motivation to overcome a challenge or prove someone wrong. However, an over-reliance on this strategy might encourage the individual to believe the thoughts and view themselves negatively.

The Cognitive Mechanisms at Play

Symptoms that manifest within an individual experiencing impostor phenomenon are similar to the maladaptive thoughts and behavior patterns of depression and anxiety. In a recent study by Gadsby and Hohwy (2023), participants were tasked with completing a problem-solving assessment online; those exhibiting high levels of impostor phenomenon were found to underestimate their performance and overestimate other participants' scores on the task. This tendency for comparative thinking renders the individual incapable of accurate self-perception.

The study found that low confidence in their ability to complete tasks affected participants' motivation to exert effort, causing the participants either to reduce their effort for a task seen as futile – common in individuals experiencing depression – or increase their effort to overcome any perceived shortcomings (Gadsby & Hohwy, 2023), as is familiar with anxiety.

These findings align with Mary's experience of both pushing herself beyond healthy limits to prove her worth and, during her health crisis, struggling with feelings that her efforts might be futile without support from leadership.

Beyond Impostor Syndrome

Mary's story reveals that impostor syndrome, while common, need not be permanent. The journey beyond it is not about eliminating self-doubt entirely but rather about building a more resilient self-relationship that can withstand internal and external challenges.

"I continue to work with women to help them see the better version of who God intended them to be," Mary shared, demonstrating how her struggle has become a platform for helping others.

For those in leadership positions, Mary's experience offers two crucial reminders. First, when properly channeled, our battle with impostor feelings can become a source of empathy and effectiveness. Second, as leaders, we create environments that either intensify or alleviate the impostor syndrome experienced by those we lead.

Perhaps most importantly, Mary's journey shows that the path beyond impostor syndrome isn't just about professional advancement—it's about wholeness—about integrating all aspects of our experience, even the painful ones, into a powerful and authentic leadership presence.

Mary's courage, fortitude, resilience, and vulnerability today shine as beacons for others struggling with impostor syndrome. Her passion for helping others in leadership—both men and women—find their authenticity has transformed her painful experiences into a gift for those she mentors. While it is often simple to define our growth in self-leadership conceptually, the complexities of our internal threats and expectations reveal a daunting reality that requires continual practice.

Leading self must come foremost before leading others well. We need more role models and mentors like Mary to help us grow in this essential aspect of leadership. As Mary put it in our final exchange, when asked if she liked her "Pitbull" nickname, she said, "Sometimes." Her ability to hold both her fierceness and her vulnerability, strength, and struggles precisely makes her leadership genuine rather than impostor-like.

While understanding impostor syndrome is a crucial first step in self-leadership, the journey does not end with awareness. As Mary's story illustrates, moving beyond impostor feelings requires developing authentic confidence—not the false bravado that comes from "faking it," but the genuine self-assurance that emerges from knowing and accepting who you truly are. In the next chapter, we'll explore practical strategies for building confidence from the inside out, providing you with tools to transform self-doubt into a foundation for authentic and effective leadership.

Reflection Questions

1. Self-Inventory: Following Mary's example, reflect on your experience with impostor syndrome. What are your core fears in professional settings, and how do these fears influence your behavior?

2. Leadership Environment: How does your current work environment reinforce or help alleviate impostor feelings? Consider the difference between the skeptical and supportive leadership styles that Mary experienced.

3. Purpose Beyond Validation: What deeper purpose might your work serve beyond external validation? How might reconnecting with this purpose help address impostor feelings?