Self-Leadership
The crisp mountain air of Colorado filled the conference room as forty leaders gathered for training on feedback and making the most of 360-degree assessments. Standing before them, I paused in my presentation and smiled.
"Can I see a show of hands? How many perfectionists are in the room today?"
As expected, about a third of the participants raised their hands, some with knowing smiles, others with a hint of reluctance.
"Let us talk about some positive aspects of perfectionism," I continued. "High standards, excellence, quality work. It is a noble aim, isn't it?"
Heads nodded in agreement.
"Now, what about the downsides?" I asked.
The responses came quickly: "Constant pressure." "Never feeling good enough." "Becoming a micromanager." "Workaholic tendencies." "Never being able to celebrate even small wins fully."
These conversations inevitably spur awareness of self-awareness's benefits that drive self-leadership practice. However, for all our strengths, a dark side often can sabotage our success based on our limited beliefs.
In coaching conversations, especially with emerging leaders or executives aspiring to new roles beyond their current scope, feelings of insecurity, doubt, and lack of confidence frequently surface. Over the years of coaching women working primarily in male-dominated industries, I have heard countless stories that reveal a common thread. These narratives often coincide with a moment when I hear the phrase: "I struggle with impostor syndrome." It is important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle.
Understanding Impostor Syndrome
In 1978, psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified what they called the "impostor phenomenon." Their research focused on high-achieving women who, despite external evidence of their competence, maintained an internal belief that they were not as capable as others perceived them to be. These women attributed their success to temporary factors like luck, timing, or having fooled others into thinking they were more intelligent than they believed.
The impostor phenomenon, now commonly known as impostor syndrome, is characterized by:
Persistent self-doubt despite evidence of success
Attributing achievements to external factors rather than ability
Fear of being "found out" or exposed as a fraud
Difficulty internalizing accomplishments
Setting excessively high standards and experiencing disappointment when falling short
Overworking to prevent the discovery of perceived inadequacies
Research has since expanded beyond Clance and Imes' initial focus on women, finding that impostor syndrome affects people across genders, cultures, and professions. However, it remains particularly prevalent among women in leadership positions, especially in fields where they are underrepresented.
Mary's Story: Impostor Syndrome in the Trenches
During a leadership development workshop, I met Mary, a senior project manager in construction with over two decades of experience. When our conversation turned to confidence barriers, I asked her, "Mary, what does impostor syndrome mean to you?"
Her response revealed a profound understanding shaped by years of personal struggle:
"Impostor syndrome is when my self-worth feels tied to others' approval. It is when I question if I belong at the table despite my experience. It shows me as someone I think others want me to be rather than who I am."
Professional and personal challenges did not just shape Mary's journey in leadership. For 24 years, she has maintained sobriety after battling alcoholism. This recovery journey has given her unique insights into authentic self-leadership.
"My self-esteem, fear, pride, ego, emotional security, financial security – all wrapped up in how others perceived me," Mary explained. "I was so focused on external validation that I lost sight of who I was meant to be."
The Practice of Self-Inventory
What makes Mary's approach to impostor syndrome particularly powerful is the disciplined practice she developed over her 12 years of working with her "big book" – a structured method of self-inventory that serves as the foundation of her self-leadership. This practice empowers her to take control of her impostor syndrome, and it can do the same for you.
"Nine times out of ten, I must remind myself that my self-worth comes from God. It does not come from anybody else," Mary shared. "And I have to remind myself of that daily."
Her inventory process involves asking herself a series of penetrating questions:
Where was I selfish? "Selfish is not a bad connotation. It is what I needed or wanted in that situation."
Where was I dishonest? "What is the lie I tell myself about that situation?"
Where does my self-reliance fail? "What behaviors emerge when I feel threatened? Do I pull back? Do I become a wallflower? Am I more aggressive?"
What are my fears? "The fear is rejection. The fear is not being good enough. The fear is getting laid off. The fear is someone else getting a promotion."
What is the origin of these fears? "When was the first time I had this fear?"
This disciplined self-examination has become Mary's cornerstone practice for managing impostor syndrome. It allows her to recognize when she is slipping into inauthentic behavior patterns and course-correct before they derail her leadership effectiveness.
The Health Crisis That Changed Everything
Three years before our conversation, Mary faced a severe health crisis that brought her impostor syndrome into sharp relief. What began as mysterious symptoms was initially misdiagnosed as Lyme disease. Eventually, through holistic treatment, doctors identified 14 different strains of infection.
"I woke up, and I could not move my arms. It felt like my bones were being split in two," Mary recalled. She could not work out for the first time since she was 12. She was placed on disability.
This physical vulnerability exposed a painful truth about her work environment. Her project executive was unsupportive during her absence. Despite her condition, she found herself trying to complete applications for payment because "he would not do them." After 12 weeks, against medical advice, she returned to work.
"I had no support from my company," she said. "I approached executives but found no support. Even my general superintendent, who I had been with for 12 years, was not there for me."
The experience revealed how her impostor syndrome had led her to accept an unhealthy work culture where her value was measured solely by productivity rather than humanity.
Supportive vs. Skeptical Leaders: Impact on Impostor Syndrome
Mary's story highlights a critical insight for those struggling with impostor syndrome: the leadership context matters tremendously. Her experiences working under different types of leaders revealed two distinct environments with dramatically different impacts on her self-perception. This underscores the importance of supportive leadership in creating a healthy work environment that fosters confidence and self-worth.
Under Skeptical Leadership:
The constant pressure to prove herself worthy
Unclear standards of success ("You are always trying to get to this bar, but you do not even know what that bar is")
Exhausting need to project a false, hyper-competent self
Reinforcement of impostor feelings
Deteriorating physical and mental health
Under Supportive Leadership:
Freedom to be authentic
Clear expectations and feedback
Recognition of unique contributions
Diminished impostor feelings
Improved overall wellbeing
As Mary put it, "The difference between having a supportive advocate, manager, or leader and somebody not supportive is night and day. With a skeptical leader, you have to be somebody, and maybe you should not try to ensure you win their approval or performance review."
One transformative project executive told her something she never forgot: "Behind every person you meet, there is an aspect of fear. Every human being has fear, which makes them act in a certain way. Do not take it personally because your self-worth does not come from that."
This perspective helped Mary recognize that sometimes what she perceived as a judgment of her capabilities was others' fear manifesting as control or criticism.
Finding Purpose Beyond Approval
The turning point in Mary's battle with impostor syndrome came when she stopped striving to please everyone and instead reconnected with her deeper purpose.
"I am not," she declared, "I will never be the woman I was. I am the woman that God intends me to be."
This shift in identity allowed her to redefine success on her terms. Rather than seeing herself primarily as a builder of structures, she embraced her role as a builder of people.
I want to become a developer of people and talent. It drives me. It is not building buildings; it is being with my team, building my team, helping people see this, and so forth."
This clarity of purpose gave Mary something impostor syndrome had long denied her: authentic confidence rooted in values rather than validation.
From "Pitbull" to Purpose-Driven Leader
On her job site, Mary earned the nickname "Pitbull" – a moniker that reflected her tenacity and fierce protection of her team. While she occasionally embraced this identity ("Sometimes I need to be a Pitbull to get stuff done"), she recognized it as a partial truth.
"Do not mess with my team," she said emphatically. "I'm very protective."
Nevertheless, this protective instinct has evolved from a defensive posture into an empowering one. Rather than simply shielding her team from external threats, she now focuses on developing their capabilities and confidence, helping them avoid the same impostor syndrome traps she encountered.
Building Authentic Confidence: Mary's Path Forward
Mary's journey offers valuable lessons for anyone struggling with impostor syndrome. Her path to authentic confidence included several key practices:
Regular self-inventory. Mary's disciplined practice of examining her motives, fears, and behaviors provides a structure for self-awareness that interrupts impostor thinking.
Connecting to a deeper purpose. Mary found stability amid workplace uncertainty by grounding her identity in something beyond professional achievement.
Recognizing unhealthy environments. Mary learned to distinguish between her impostor thoughts and genuinely toxic work cultures that reinforced them.
Seeking supportive mentorship. The contrast between different leadership styles helped Mary identify and eventually seek out environments where authentic growth was possible.
Practicing radical transparency. "I am not anything if I am not transparent," Mary insisted, highlighting how honesty about struggles strengthens rather than diminishes leadership credibility.
Serving others. Mary's focus shifted from proving herself to developing others, creating a virtuous cycle where helping team members overcome their impostor feelings reinforced her authentic leadership.
Embracing vulnerability as strength. Through her health crisis, Mary discovered that acknowledging limitations paradoxically expanded her capacity for genuine connection and influence.
Recent Research: Bridging the 45-Year Gap
In the decades since Clance and Imes' groundbreaking work, research on impostor syndrome has expanded significantly. Recent studies offer deeper insights into the cognitive mechanisms at play and effective interventions.
Persistent self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy characterize the impostor phenomenon despite external success (Pákozdy et al., 2023). Individuals experiencing the impostor phenomenon are prone to cognitive distortions, such as perfectionism, overgeneralization, and catastrophic thinking. Interestingly, the individual often reframes these maladaptive thought patterns to serve as motivation to overcome a challenge or prove someone wrong. However, an over-reliance on this strategy might encourage the individual to believe the thoughts and view themselves negatively.
The Cognitive Mechanisms at Play
Symptoms that manifest within an individual experiencing impostor phenomenon are similar to the maladaptive thoughts and behavior patterns of depression and anxiety. In a recent study by Gadsby and Hohwy (2023), participants were tasked with completing a problem-solving assessment online; those exhibiting high levels of impostor phenomenon were found to underestimate their performance and overestimate other participants' scores on the task. This tendency for comparative thinking renders the individual incapable of accurate self-perception.
The study found that low confidence in their ability to complete tasks affected participants' motivation to exert effort, causing the participants either to reduce their effort for a task seen as futile – common in individuals experiencing depression – or increase their effort to overcome any perceived shortcomings (Gadsby & Hohwy, 2023), as is familiar with anxiety.
These findings align with Mary's experience of both pushing herself beyond healthy limits to prove her worth and, during her health crisis, struggling with feelings that her efforts might be futile without support from leadership.
Beyond Impostor Syndrome
Mary's story reveals that impostor syndrome, while common, need not be permanent. The journey beyond it is not about eliminating self-doubt entirely but rather about building a more resilient self-relationship that can withstand internal and external challenges.
"I continue to work with women to help them see the better version of who God intended them to be," Mary shared, demonstrating how her struggle has become a platform for helping others.
For those in leadership positions, Mary's experience offers two crucial reminders. First, when properly channeled, our battle with impostor feelings can become a source of empathy and effectiveness. Second, as leaders, we create environments that either intensify or alleviate the impostor syndrome experienced by those we lead.
Perhaps most importantly, Mary's journey shows that the path beyond impostor syndrome isn't just about professional advancement—it's about wholeness—about integrating all aspects of our experience, even the painful ones, into a powerful and authentic leadership presence.
Mary's courage, fortitude, resilience, and vulnerability today shine as beacons for others struggling with impostor syndrome. Her passion for helping others in leadership—both men and women—find their authenticity has transformed her painful experiences into a gift for those she mentors. While it is often simple to define our growth in self-leadership conceptually, the complexities of our internal threats and expectations reveal a daunting reality that requires continual practice.
Leading self must come foremost before leading others well. We need more role models and mentors like Mary to help us grow in this essential aspect of leadership. As Mary put it in our final exchange, when asked if she liked her "Pitbull" nickname, she said, "Sometimes." Her ability to hold both her fierceness and her vulnerability, strength, and struggles precisely makes her leadership genuine rather than impostor-like.
While understanding impostor syndrome is a crucial first step in self-leadership, the journey does not end with awareness. As Mary's story illustrates, moving beyond impostor feelings requires developing authentic confidence—not the false bravado that comes from "faking it," but the genuine self-assurance that emerges from knowing and accepting who you truly are. In the next chapter, we'll explore practical strategies for building confidence from the inside out, providing you with tools to transform self-doubt into a foundation for authentic and effective leadership.
Reflection Questions
Self-Inventory: Following Mary's example, reflect on your experience with impostor syndrome. What are your core fears in professional settings, and how do these fears influence your behavior?
Leadership Environment: How does your current work environment reinforce or help alleviate impostor feelings? Consider the difference between the skeptical and supportive leadership styles that Mary experienced.
Purpose Beyond Validation: What deeper purpose might your work serve beyond external validation? How might reconnecting with this purpose help address impostor feelings?