Grit & Grace - Threshold Between Self-Care & Self-Leadership
Leaders bring order out of chaos. This fundamental truth persists whether facing organizational upheaval, market disruption, or global uncertainty. Yet amidst these external storms, the most critical battleground remains within. No matter the external challenges leaders face, we must first settle the internal storms of our thoughts, emotions, and spirit to engage effectively with the world around us.
The tension between our inner and outer worlds creates a delicate balance. Where do we vest our time and energy? How do we reconcile the deep, often immeasurable demands of SoulWork with the quantifiable demands knocking insistently at our door? What's at stake in finding the right balance between grit and grace in today's activities?
In a word, presence.
As we begin this chapter, consider your ability to stay present—with a healthy perspective, your priorities, and the people in your life and work. Successful SoulWork and self-care translate to being present with your inner life so you can engage more fully with what matters most around you rather than being distracted, dismissive, or discouraging. An unreconciled inner life leaves you leading with a heavy burden, limiting your capacity for engagement, encouragement, and execution. You might wake each day with a sense of dread, struggling to muster the energy to grind through what lies before you.
By contrast, SoulWork and self-care will allow you to be present with your well-being—to assess how you're genuinely doing—thus expanding your capacity to engage with the world around you fully. The balance of grit and grace is central to leading your inner life well. It's bringing order out of chaos within. It's leading yourself well so you can focus on being on a mission, living your values, and ultimately leaving your legacy today and in the future.
The Chaos Within
We must recognize and address the chaos within ourselves before we can bring order to external chaos. This internal disorder manifests in various ways: racing thoughts that refuse to quiet, emotions that surge unexpectedly, or spiritual emptiness that leaves us feeling disconnected from our purpose.
Many leaders excel at troubleshooting organizational problems yet struggle to apply the same analytical skills to their inner landscape. We often avoid this inner work because it's challenging, messy, and difficult to measure. Unlike quarterly targets or project milestones, progress in our inner life doesn't appear on spreadsheets or dashboards.
Yet this avoidance comes at a tremendous cost. When we ignore the chaos within, it inevitably affects our external performance. We become reactive rather than responsive. We make decisions from a place of depletion rather than discernment. We lead from our wounds rather than our wisdom.
John, an emerging leader working in a new role as a manager, exemplifies this struggle. With his strong work ethic and desire for excellence, he set high standards for himself and his team. But as deadlines loomed and pressure mounted, his relentless pursuit of perfection took a toll on his mental and emotional well-being. Caught between ambition and fear of failure, John struggled to balance persevering through difficulties and showing himself the kindness he readily gave others.
Like John, many of us find ourselves trapped in this tension—knowing we need both strength to persevere and compassion to sustain ourselves, yet uncertain how to balance these apparent opposites.
Defining Grit and Grace
To navigate this tension effectively, we must first understand what we mean by grit and grace and how they interact as complementary rather than contradictory forces.
Grit is the tenacity to push through adversity—the resilience, determination, and perseverance that enables us to continue despite obstacles. As Angela Duckworth articulates in her book "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance," talent alone is insufficient for success. What matters most is the combination of passion and perseverance—the capacity to remain committed to long-term goals and to bounce back from setbacks.
Grit manifests as the strength to say "yes" to complex tasks when everything in us wants to quit. It's the internal fortitude that gets us out of bed on challenging days, the discipline that keeps us focused when distractions abound, and the courage to face painful truths about ourselves and our organizations.
Grace, by contrast, is the ability to extend kindness and understanding to ourselves when things don't go as planned. It's the self-compassion that Brené Brown explores in "The Gifts of Imperfection," where she emphasizes embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities as pathways to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Grace appears as the wisdom to say "no" when we're overextended, the humility to acknowledge our limitations, and the gentleness to permit ourselves rest and recovery. It's the counterbalance to grit's driving force—not its nemesis, but its necessary partner.
The interplay between determination and self-compassion creates the resilience essential for sustained leadership and well-being. Without this balance, we risk either burning out from relentless pushing or underperforming from excessive leniency.
The Consequences of Imbalance
Understanding the consequences of imbalance is crucial. When we fail to balance grit and grace, we risk experiencing predictable consequences that affect our inner well-being and our effectiveness. It's a cautionary tale that underscores the importance of balance in avoiding burnout, strained relationships, rigidity, and underperformance.
Too Much Grit, Not Enough Grace:
Burnout becomes inevitable when we push ourselves relentlessly without allowing for rest or self-compassion. Our bodies and minds have limits that, when consistently ignored, lead to physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. Leaders who pride themselves on "powering through" often discover too late that power has limits.
Excessive grit also strains relationships. Leaders prioritizing determination over compassion may be aggressive or insensitive, damaging connections with team members and stakeholders. The very people we need to accomplish our mission begin to withdraw their trust and engagement.
Rigidity emerges as another consequence of imbalance. A lack of grace results in inflexibility, making it difficult to adapt to changing circumstances or collaborate effectively. We become so fixated on our vision of how things "should" be that we miss creative alternatives and collaborative opportunities.
Too Much Grace, Not Enough Grit:
Underperformance results when we overemphasize grace at the expense of grit. Without the discipline to face challenges and push through difficulties, we may avoid necessary confrontations or fail to take decisive action when required. Our compassion becomes an excuse for comfort rather than a foundation for courage.
Permissiveness occurs when leaders lack the discipline to hold themselves and others accountable. Standards erode, mediocrity becomes acceptable, and the organizational culture shifts toward what's easy rather than excellent.
Resentment builds among colleagues and team members when they perceive that standards aren't being upheld or that accountability is lacking. Trust and morale deteriorate as high performers question why they should continue giving their best when others aren't held to the exact expectations.
These consequences underscore why balance is essential. We need grit and grace—not as occasional responses to specific situations but as integrated aspects of our leadership approach.
The Present Moment: Where Grit and Grace Converge
The key to balancing grit and grace lies in cultivating presence—the ability to be fully aware and engaged in the current moment, neither escaping past regrets nor projecting into future anxieties. Presence allows us to assess what's needed now accurately: Is this a moment that calls for pushing through or requires stepping back? Does this situation demand more discipline or more compassion?
Presence brings clarity to chaos. When fully present, we can distinguish between productive discomfort (the kind that leads to growth) and destructive strain (the kind that leads to breakdown). We can tell when our resistance stems from fear versus when it signals a genuine need for rest. We can discern when our team needs challenges versus when they need encouragement.
This presence doesn't happen automatically. It requires intention and practice—what we might call the SoulWork of leadership. Without this inner work, we default to habitual responses rather than thoughtful choices. We react based on past programming rather than responding to present needs.
Consider how presence transforms our relationship with both grit and grace:
When we're present, grit becomes not just blind persistence but strategic tenacity. We push through difficulties not just because we refuse to quit but because we've assessed that continuing serves our deeper purpose and values. We choose our battles wisely rather than fighting everyone that presents itself.
Similarly, when we're present, grace becomes passive acceptance and active self-care. We extend compassion to ourselves not as an excuse to avoid difficulty but as a recognition of our humanity and need for renewal. We rest not out of laziness but out of wisdom about our limits and rhythms.
Presence thus becomes the threshold where self-care and self-leadership meet—where we care for ourselves precisely so we can lead effectively and where we lead ourselves intentionally to sustain our capacity to care.
The Integration: Being Present to What Matters Most
The ultimate goal of balancing grit and grace isn't just personal well-being—though that's undoubtedly important. The deeper purpose is to expand our capacity to be present to what matters most: our mission, values, and legacy.
When caught in the cycle of either pushing too hard or giving up too quickly, we lose connection with our more profound purpose. We become so focused on surviving today that we lose sight of the impact we hope to have tomorrow. We get trapped in reacting to urgency rather than responding to importance.
The integration of grit and grace creates space for presence—to ourselves, to others, and to our highest aspirations. This presence doesn't eliminate difficulty or challenge; rather, it gives us the clarity to navigate challenges with wisdom rather than willpower.
It's tough to strike the balance between "Getting it Done" and "Give Me a Break." There's a time to lean in and a time to give it a rest. If we don't maintain balance, there's a cost on both sides. By embracing the intentional equilibrium of grit and grace, we cultivate resilience, foster growth, and navigate life's challenges with greater ease and compassion.
Remember, it's not about achieving perfection but embracing the humility of our imperfections, leaning into the task for today, and aspiring to give our best, one step at a time. This is the essence of self-leadership that sustains rather than depletes—leadership that brings order to the chaos within so we can more effectively address the chaos without.
Ultimately, the threshold between self-care and self-leadership isn't a line to cross once but a space to inhabit daily—a dynamic balance that requires constant attention and adjustment. In this space of integration, we find not just effectiveness but wholeness, not just achievement but fulfillment, not just success but significance.
The Dance of Grit and Grace
Ultimately, the threshold between self-care and self-leadership isn't a line to cross once but a space to inhabit daily—a dynamic balance that requires constant attention and adjustment. In this dance between pushing forward and pausing for renewal, we discover our capacity for impact.
The integration of grit and grace isn't about perfection but presence. When we balance determination with compassion, we create the conditions for being fully present—to ourselves, to others, and to the work that matters most. This presence becomes the foundation for authentic leadership that sustains rather than depletes, inspires rather than intimidates, and endures rather than exhausts.
Remember that this balance isn't achieved once and for all but recalibrated daily. Each morning offers a new opportunity to choose presence over distraction, intentionality over-reactivity, and the integrated wisdom of grit and grace. In this space of integration, we find not just effectiveness but wholeness, not just achievement but fulfillment, not just success but significance.
As you continue your journey of balancing grit and grace, consider these questions for reflection:
Where in your life or leadership do you need more grit—the courage to persevere despite difficulty? Conversely, where do you need more grace—the wisdom to extend compassion to yourself amid struggle?
Think about a recent situation where you felt most fully present and engaged. What balance of grit and grace made that presence possible? How might you recreate those conditions more consistently?
If you were to become 10% more intentional about balancing determination and self-compassion tomorrow, what one small practice would you begin or strengthen?