Grit and grace are the threshold between Self-Care and Self-Leaderhip.
In life's journey, we often encounter a complexity of challenges that require a tension between grit – the tenacity to push through adversity – and grace – the ability to extend kindness and understanding to ourselves when things don't go as planned. This interplay between determination and self-compassion is essential for resilience and well-being, especially in demanding times or when faced with lofty expectations.
The primary message of the book "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth is that talent alone is not enough to achieve success. Instead, what matters most is a combination of passion and perseverance, which Duckworth calls "grit." By comparison, in "The Gifts of Imperfection," Brené Brown explores how embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. She emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and kindness towards ourselves, especially when things don't go as planned.
Grit and grace in the daily grind of leadership.
“The Daily Grind Stretches the Extremes of Getting it Done and Give Me a Break.”
John, an emerging leader working in a new role as a manager, found himself grappling with this tension between grit and grace. He held a strong work ethic and a desire for excellence. He set high standards for himself and his team, often pushing them to deliver exceptional results. However, as deadlines loomed and pressure mounted, he began to realize that his relentless pursuit of perfection was taking a toll on his mental and emotional well-being.
Caught in the throes of ambition and the fear of failure, John struggled to balance persevering through difficulties and showing himself the kindness he readily extended to others. It was a constant battle between pushing himself to the limit and accepting his limitations with grace.
What is the right balance?
Finding the balance between grit and grace is essential for effective leadership and personal well-being. When there's an imbalance, either leaning too much towards grit or too much towards grace, several consequences may arise:
Too Much Grit, Not Enough Grace:
Burnout: Excessive focus on grit can lead to burnout as individuals push themselves relentlessly without allowing for rest or self-compassion.
Strained Relationships: Leaders prioritizing grit over grace may come across as overly aggressive or insensitive, leading to strained relationships with team members and stakeholders.
Rigidity: A lack of grace can result in rigidity and inflexibility, making it difficult to adapt to changing circumstances or collaborate effectively.
Too Much Grace, Not Enough Grit:
Underperformance: Overemphasis on grace at the expense of grit can result in underperformance as individuals may avoid necessary challenges or fail to take decisive action.
Permissiveness: Overly lenient leaders may need more discipline and accountability within the team or organization to hold themselves and others accountable.
Resentment: Colleagues or team members may feel resentful if they perceive that standards are not being upheld or that accountability is lacking, which can undermine trust and morale.
Achieving the right balance between grit and grace requires self-awareness, adaptability, and intentional effort. Leaders must recognize when to push forward with determination and resilience (grit) and when to extend empathy, understanding, and forgiveness (grace). Striking this balance fosters high performance and a supportive, compassionate work environment.
So, how can we navigate Both grit and grace in our lives and work?
Here are three practical applications and questions to consider:
1. Set Realistic Expectations:
- Ask yourself: Are the standards I've set for myself achievable and sustainable? Am I allowing room for growth and learning, or am I fixated on an unattainable ideal?
- Practical Application: Define clear, achievable goals that stretch your capabilities without overwhelming them. Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps to maintain momentum and avoid burnout. Remember, your "Yes" requires saying "No" to something or someone else. Our "Yes" comes at a cost that might catch us by surprise. Be mindful of letting folks down, not following through, or missing critical deadlines or details because you're stretched thin. (I wrote the last line for myself; maybe you'll find it helpful, too).
Consider your goals: Start today by keeping them achievable and sustainable. Keep it practical, so begin again tomorrow if you miss a day. Such as:
I will run a marathon, then start with the first mile.
I will write a book and focus on finishing the outline and the first chapter.
I'm going to make a million dollars, starting with the first $1, 10K, & $100K
I will lose "x" pounds to regain my health; begin by taking a walk, eating one less thing, and getting an extra hour of sleep tonight.
2. Practice Self-Compassion:
“We tend to be harder on ourselves than helpful.”
- Ask yourself: How do I respond to setbacks and mistakes? Am I treating myself with the same kindness and understanding I would offer a friend in a similar situation?
- Practical Application: Cultivate a mindset of self-compassion by acknowledging your humanity and embracing imperfection. Practice self-care activities that nurture your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, or spending time with loved ones.
We tend to be harder on ourselves than helpful. Striving for excellence is aspirational and, thus, a noble pursuit. Perfectionism is a myth that lures thinking more of what's work than what's right. Scientists' pursuit of excellence through experiments may require 1000x in trials to get it right 1x. Sales folks may endure a 100 "No" to gain one meaningful "Yes" for their product or service. Depending on the difficulty of the task you need to take, consider how much grace you need, especially if things don't go as expected.
*Personal note- After turning 50 this year, this simple reflection has challenged me: why don't I extend grace to myself that I so easily give to others? I often hold myself to high standards that must be realigned with reality. It's a growth area for which I'm working towards practicing self-compassion when I fail to meet expectations.
3. Seek Support and Feedback:
- Ask yourself: Am I willing to ask for help when needed? Do I view feedback as an opportunity for growth, or do I perceive it as a reflection of my inadequacy? Who can I reach out to today for support?
- Practical Application: Foster a supportive network of colleagues, mentors, and friends who can offer guidance, perspective, and encouragement. Embrace feedback as a valuable tool for improvement rather than a judgment of your worth.
Honestly, consider the last time you asked for help. More specifically, if you ask for help, what support do you need? Your self-reliance may be getting in the way of your desire to do it yourself, whereas you have folks who are happy to help if you only ask as you consider the support and feedback. As you do, you may find a shift in the way you work from working hard to working smarter.
Please note - If you're exhausted, chronically fatigued, or experiencing burnout, the most significant support may come from a good night's rest and a little recreation to recalibrate. Give yourself the gift of time to recalibrate.
Grit and Grace - Finding the Balance
It's tough striking the balance of Getting it Done and Give Me a Break.
There's a time to lean in, then a time to give it a rest. There's cost on both sides if we don't hold a balance. By embracing the intentional balance of grit and grace, we can cultivate resilience, foster growth, and navigate life's challenges with greater ease and compassion. Remember, it's not about achieving perfection but embracing the humility of our imperfections and leaning into the task for today, aspiring to give our best, one step at a time.
It's not uncommon to get stuck on one side of the pendulum between grit and grace. If you need help recalibrate, find a friend, colleague, mentor, or coach who can help you. Feel free to reach out if I can support you or a colleague at russell@leadersadvance.net