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A Father's Words, Thirty Years in Waiting
Last week, amidst the seasoned faces of construction leaders, I recounted a memory that has left an indelible mark on my soul for three decades. On my wedding day, my father, for the first time in my memory, uttered three words that had long been silent: "I love you." The weight of that moment still reverberates within me, a defining moment that shaped the man, husband, father, and leader I would become. A marker to the transformative power of gratitude in my life and work.
The Construction Site of the Soul
When I asked these leaders how such an experience might shape one's approach to fatherhood, their divided response spoke volumes. Half believed such emotional scarcity might breed abundance, while the others thought it could perpetuate the cycle of restraint. Their split reflection mirrors how our past experiences shape our choices.
Where do you think I landed?
After knowing the lack, I hope to be man at work and at home of encouragement, recognition, and appreciation. Yet, I readily acknowledge, I’m a work in progress aspiring to these ideals. Today, I hope my children's stories paint a different picture – one of love freely given, of openly expressed appreciation. We each carry a template for showing gratitude, shaped by our experiences but not bound by them. At home, it manifests as warmth and verbal affection. In the rugged world of construction leadership or any other hardline workplace, it takes on different forms – not through group hugs or tears, but through consistently recognizing value and worth.
How would others describe your generosity of appreciation?
The Currency of Recognition
The fundamental shift in how we express appreciation at home or work begins with a profound realization: feedback should be rooted in what people need, not what we judge they deserve. It's easy to withhold praise, to say, "Why celebrate meeting basic expectations? Isn't a paycheck enough?" At home, we might think, "Why acknowledge small improvements when there's still so much room for growth?"
However, this mindset of scarcity, always seeking out what's wrong, can blind us to the small victories that truly deserve celebration. The real challenge lies in spotting these glimmers of progress even when surrounded by imperfection. It's these small victories that pave the way for larger triumphs, and it's this recognition that can keep us encouraged and hopeful.
The Season's Shadow Side
As we enter the holiday season, this message carries particular weight. These shorter days often cast longer shadows on our psyches. Many carry hidden burdens—regrets, disappointments, heartaches—that grow heavier during this reflective time. The natural response might be to work harder, to outrun these thoughts, but perhaps there's another way.
After a year of conducting over 100 leadership coaching sessions and 360-degree reviews, one truth stands clear: feedback in the form of genuine appreciation can illuminate even our darkest moments. We all know set backs, missed deadlines, and lost opportunities. These moment in our year carry a weight if not acknowledged for the good they produce. Feedback forms connection that can make us feel less alone, less burdened, and more supported.
Building Bridges Through Acknowledgment
The season's dark moments need not define us. Instead, it can remind us of our power to be an encourager, shining for others, to practice the kind of generous appreciation that creates ripples far beyond our immediate circle. Whether through a simple acknowledgment, a moment of genuine praise, or a recognition of progress amid struggle, we can break cycles of emotional scarcity and create new patterns of abundant appreciation.
As we gather around Thanksgiving tables and move through the holiday season, perhaps we can challenge ourselves to look beyond the surface, recognize the quiet battles others may be fighting, and offer the gift of genuine appreciation—not because it's deserved but because it's needed.
As I reflect, I needed those words years ago. My dad passed several years ago, he had the courage to change, learning to be generous with his love and appreciation. It’s a blessing and a model for me to do the same.
Feedback is a gift! Whether At Home or Work, Your appreciation matters….share it with someone who needs it most today!
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes other will be refreshed. ”